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So, this one's special.
We are going down a dark trail as compared to last week's happiness.
Anything involving my Cutesie Bootsie is a dark trail now.

If you have been paying attention, I have been uploading these videos ever since she died.
They show how I'm feeling about the situation since the EPIC Goodbye video.

You can CLICK HERE to see the video or watch it below. 

After that, I uploaded short videos on how I felt in a separate series call Sadness.
They all flow together...
First, was an actual snip-it from the main video...

You can CLICK HERE to see the video or watch it below. 

I think it shows how I'm feeling nicely.
I'm just standing there......empty.
Second, this continues after the Goodbye video and shows that I'm still feeling the effects.

You can CLICK HERE to see the video or watch it below. 

It shows that by the quickly fading to black and white.
A big part in the main video...
The third one, the seasons are changing, but not me.

You can CLICK HERE to see the video or watch it below. 

I was getting back to normal though.
You can tell by having it fade back into color and me walking away for the situation.
Opposite of what it was.
Finally, the fourth and latest one before the new one, I feel nothing...

You can CLICK HERE to see the video or watch it below. 

I'm all over it...at least....that's what you think... ;-)
A few days ago, the teasers started for the next video...
The first one is obvious that it's not fine...
You can CLICK HERE to see the video or watch it below. 

The second one shows it is about Boots...
You can CLICK HERE to see the video or watch it below. 

And the third one sinks it in...
You can CLICK HERE to see the video or watch it below. 

They all show that this video is going to be a dozy.
BUT!! We'll get to that later... HA! 
Let's get the photo talk out of the way.
This one was pretty simple.
I didn't want to have a BTS of anything.
All I did was go out, make the picture, and then come back and edit it.
You've seen that many times.
I had an issue with the framing.
I wanted my typical "me off to the side" look with the camera zoomed in from a bit farther back and more behind me.
But, I was so close to the grave that it wasn't working.
So, I went with more of a zoomed out close up that's off to the side.
I had to be this close because that's where I was in the video.
My legs are in the same holes they made when I filmed it.
I did want to be more in the snow, too.
But it's all one HUGE block of ice.
It was warm and it started to melt, then it rained, and now it's 9 outside and it's freezing again.
Anyways, I wanted it to be dark black and white.
But the snow didn't help.
So, I made it have very high contrast.
OH! Let's compare!!

Hover your mouse (the computer one :-P) over the original before editing picture and see the after editing one. 

I'd say it turned out great.
It wasn't what I had in mind, but it works.
OK YA'LL!!...That's was weird, ya'll.
IT'S TIME FOR THE EPIC VIDEO!!
This one is the big follow up that's longer and has a deeper story.
You can CLICK HERE to see the video or watch it below. 

Thanks for watching if you did.
Now, here's a secret...
This really isn't how I'm feeling right now!
Actually, these videos tell the stories from right after my Boots died.
So, basically just the month of October.
The truth is I'm fine.
Just like in the last video when I stand there and nothing happens.
I'm way over it.
It wasn't this bad though.
This series show was it was like in my mind.
This wasn't the way I acted.
Except for the dreams.
There has been two dream parts in the series.
Those were real.
But I didn't wake up cry or mad like I did in the videos.
I just woke up and pondered about what they mean.
I'm just sharing how it was in my brain and my experiences from October.
I want to remember and express how thing were.
Which is why I recorded everything when she was dying.
I wanted to document and remember.
I'm making these videos for me.
An archive of my life for the past five years.
Oh right, my fifth year starts on March 13th.
Woah....five years.
I'll talk about that when the time comes.
I just hope Youtube doesn't go away or else I'll have a problem. :-D
I'd lose my memories!
They are still in my brain, but I like to watch them as well.
ANYWHO! Come back next week for something completely different...I just haven't thought of it yet...